When I was in my early 20’s I learned an important lesson. I was working in a start-up company and had gone 3 years without a raise.

Learning the wrong way

So I went to the CEO and asked for a raise. He asked why.

Among other things, I said that I had been working for 3 years without a raise, and that I had taken on more and more responsibility over that time, and that I always delivered and often exceeded expectations. I told him it was becoming un-motivating to feel I was working so hard and not moving forward in pay, and peers in other companies were making more money than I was…

He said he didn’t care. It wasn’t his problem. He only cared about what the cost was to replace me, and he could replace me for my salary or less – so no raise.

Your job is a contract with your company. You don’t get a raise for good attendance, or because you feel like you deserve one. You earn a raise by increasing the value of your contribution.

And if you want to get that raise, you need to re-negotiate your contract on terms that are relevant and valuable to your company, not based on what you want or need. And you have to ask.

1. YOU Drive the process

Know that you are at a disadvantage by not having this conversation.

It is vitally important that you and your boss share a common view of your performance and your expectations for promotion and compensation, even if your boss does not drive this discussion. Of the 20-something years I worked in a corporation for a boss, I did my own performance review 17 times, just to make sure that there were never any disconnects.

2. Understand how you and your role are perceived

It is important to know if you are perceived as a high, average or low performer. Don’t ever guess about this. There should never be any surprises about this. Find out.

Also make sure you know how much your ROLE is valued by the company. For example you don’t want to be the superstar performer leading the support team for an obsolete product. You may be great, but need to move into a higher valued role to get a raise.

Once you confirm that you are a high performer then go on to build your case for what you want. If you are not perceived as a high performer – fix that first. Understand what it takes, and focus on adding value, before you start asking for things.

3. Discuss your raise as part of a business outcome

The basic premise here is: If I do this, what is it worth to the company? Here are some things you can say:

• Last year, this is what I accomplished and this is my current compensation.
• I would like to raise the bar for the upcoming year, and deliver more value to the company.
• And If I were to add these additional business outcomes, exceed these goals, etc, would that be worth more to the company? How much more?
• What business outcome would I need to accomplish that would be worth this level of pay, or this promotion?
• Can we agree that if I deliver this, you will give me that?

4. Follow up on the specifics…

• 9 months ago, we agreed on performance objectives which if accomplished would result in increased compensation.
• I believe I have delivered on all of these and then some, and I also took on this additional project which has benefited the company by increasing our margin on this product line.
• Do you agree? Can I get your feedback on my accomplishments? … (Assuming it’s very positive then…..)
• Will you be increasing my compensation for next year, per our agreement?

If the answer is, No, for some reason outside performance, you need to get a next agreement. As long as you keep focused on business outcomes, you are on the high ground.

• If your hands are tied right now, I would like to understand the timeline of what is possible, and if it’s not a raise, is there [stock, bonus, promotion, etc.] that could be possible?
• I’m very motivated, but I think you can understand that at some point this level of performance will be hard to keep delivering if it is not recognized by the company, what do you advise?
• You have my commitment to keep delivering for you, but I can you help me understand what I can expect over time in terms of the company being able to hold up our prior agreement about my performance and compensation?
• And my personal favorite… If you were in my position, how long would YOU keep performing at this level with my current compensation?

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with this approach? Do you have something else that has worked in the past? Let us know in the comments!

The fact that I had to go to bed before the end of a basketball game on TV. Or that my sister got birthday presents on her birthday but not me. Or that I couldn’t ride my bike out to the lake with my friends.

It wasn’t fair. So because it was unfair, I gave myself a license to throw a fit and act like a little jerk.

So when we did an internal promotion a couple of years ago, I heard the same refrain again. Only this time it was from a sales rep who thought he should have got the job. He berated the process, the people involved and the person chosen all because, in his mind at least, the process was completely unfair.

No hiring process is 100% fair. I don’t know about anyone else in our industry but I do my best to try to make the process as fair as possible. To take any non-job determining factors out of the equation is a minimum. To take active steps to ensure fairness throughout is just a good practice.

And that’s exactly what we did.

So what was unfair?

Our sales representative wasn’t prepared. He bad mouthed another co-worker. He inadvertently advertised that he lacked judgment and leadership we were looking for. We needed a person who could step into the role with minimum training. I knew from looking at everything in his background that he could do the job. He had the right skills. But by not showing up for the interview, he didn’t inspire the confidence of our group. We had several qualified candidates too so it wasn’t worth the risk.

It was totally unfair.

It was unfair that he wasn’t prepared. That he made it difficult for us to evaluate his fit for the position. That he didn’t give it 100%.

Organizations should concern themselves with fairness. They should make sure their human facing processes take advantage of that. But when employees and job candidates use fairness as a way to excuse poor performance, bad behavior and major mistakes, that’s not fair. Not to their employer. Not to the company they applied at.  Not to themselves.

Fairness can be a real issue in business but it is never a reason to give less than your best.

The headline (More workers choosing fear over flex time, experts say) is designed for clicks. The amount of data supporting this assertion is nonexistent (there is literally not a single statistic cited about the decrease in flex time usage). The issue is presented in the boring way it is always presented: no data, a few interviews, and many experts.

We’ll have some fun though: let’s take the article at face value. Let’s assume this is happening and it is as widespread as the experts say. The problem is two pronged.

False Security Alert: Boss

Most bosses are pretty smart by now. Most of them will play the progressive role (especially for HR) and say that they are all about flexibility. Some will even parrot company lines about being that sort of workplace. Here’s the real test: pick a couple weeks and see when everyone checks out. If it varies with people being in and out or working from home, you’re better off than most organization. What has been typical in situations where balance is in name only, you’ll see everyone toiling until 5:15-5:30pm or later.

Of course the boss has said you can have a flexible schedule. Just as soon as this project is complete, we’ll get something worked out for you. Oh, Jones is going to be out all next week so why don’t we talk about it later. And on, and on, and on.

Here’s the reality: if you can’t implement a flexible work schedule in the middle of a major project, you don’t have the right leadership or the right people (and here’s a hint: that leadership picked those people too). This whole span of control issue was an illusion to begin with. Any control any boss has ever had is based on expectations set, results measured and consequences delivered (good or bad). None of those things have to do with a location or time but on actions taken and results achieved.

Sure, this sounds something like ROWE but most companies aren’t willing to go that far. Still, if your company is going to some sort of flexible scheduling, boss face time is the security blanket you’ll have to give up.

False Security Alert: Employees

From being a former boss, there is one thing I cannot stand: the face time guy. Face time guy (and it seems like it was always guys with me) always wanted to meet and talk about what projects he was working on and how crazy Nancy in accounting is and what the latest specials were at the sandwich shop. He’s the guy that always said goodbye to me when I left at 5:30pm or if I was working late, made sure to check in with me before he left. And it was all done with the guise that he was compensating for something else.

He wasn’t getting his job done.

He was not prepared in meetings. He was behind in his work. And he got passed up for promotions several times. Nice guy. Helluva guy. But he wasn’t going anywhere until he actually got some stuff done.

Now there is nothing wrong with playing the politics game at work (don’t hate the player, hate the game) but relying on that for everything is ridiculous. Just like elementary school, playing the game is for people who get their homework done.

And that’s what this fear over flex time is all about for employees. If you are legitimately afraid about taking flex time and other people are using flex time just fine, you probably have significant doubts about the work you’re doing because you’ve relied on bullshitting with the boss to cover for it. For this person, taking flex time will only serve to demonstrate what very little value you actually add.

Conclusion

If you are a boss, you set expectations and you treat your employees like the adults they are and allow them to meet or exceed those expectations. If they do it, great. If they don’t, you fix it.

If you are an employee, you don’t allow an irrational fear of not being recognized to paralyze you. Whatever your boss asks of you, make it great. Even if that greatness happens at 9:00pm after the kids have gone to bed or at 9:00am when everyone is still trying to wake up.

Like many HR initiatives, “Mentoring” became an off-the-shelf program versus what it actually is.  To delve into this the Roundtable tackled the following questions:

1. How to you define “mentoring”?
2. Why don’t people mentor others or get a mentor themselves?
3. What components make mentoring effective?

After some “heated” discussions, this is what they came up with . . .

How do you define “mentoring”?

Mentoring essentially boils down to this:

• The sharing of knowledge that furthers the professional growth and success of both parties. That’s the broad version of it.
• Being the best version of yourself. If people don’t strive to be their best through mentoring, it won’t be effective.
• Expectations defined by the mentee. Without expectations, mentoring can either float or flame out because there isn’t direction.  One caution to this is that if the expectations are so self-serving and slanted, it may not be a good mentoring environment either.
• Coaching. Coaching has value if it addresses behaviors that need to be changed, improved or removed.  It is definitely a method within mentoring if it is healthy in its outcome.
• Mutually beneficial relationship of trust. This may be one of the best utopian ideas ever shared.  It rings true, but is truly difficult because it goes against the base of humans tending to be one-sided and selfish. (We’ll cover this in the next section.)

Why don’t people mentor others or get a mentor themselves?

It is the usual litany of excuses:

• Fear. Fear of failure.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of a loss of productivity.  Fear of being taken advantage of.  Fear of success.
• I don’t have time. HR people who say this should be punished, removed from HR and banned to a profession that has no contact with people!  That may sound harsh, but if people don’t matter, then why are YOU in HR?
• You can get hurt. That’s true however it shouldn’t limit people from moving forward to have mentoring relationships.  Learning from disappointment usually leads to breakthroughs in growth.
• Lack of a mentoring culture in your organization. Mentoring can’t succeed if it’s only good for “others” and not all.
• All the good mentors are taken. Even if this is true, I bet if you approach them, they would help you in some way and possibly introduce you to others who are also good mentors.
• Prior bad experiences. You had a bad mentor, or a mentee was actually disguised as someone who wanted to be mentored.  Hopefully people can move past any bad experiences and stick with mentoring.
• Lack of perceived value. When this happens, you have a sign that “mentoring” is no longer viable and has migrated over to a cliché HR program.
• We don’t like to change! HR people hate hearing this because we feel we are supposed to be the company’s “change agents”, but we have to face the fact that change, at any level, is hard and that people will resist it as much as they can.

What components make mentoring effective?

Given these reservations about a mentoring program, how can you make sure your program doesn’t fall into the same trap? Here are five ways the group decided had to be a part of any effective mentoring program

1. Don’t have false expectations. Mentoring is for professional development.  It may lead to higher positions, but a great expectation is to strive to have sustained personal growth.  That sticks and makes people better contributors.
2. Look for someone externally. Internal mentoring in organizations works, but it tends to be more “how to maneuver and succeed” internally vs. long-term development.  External mentors have fresh eyes, different cultural perspectives, see your blind spots and tend to be more candid because they don’t have to follow “internal norms.”
3. Give trust first. Giving trust is so much more effective vs. someone having to earn trust first.  It does make things more vulnerable and potentially opens you to get hurt.  However, it shows that a mentor is there for the benefit of the relationship and not for personal gain.
4. Set a time frame. Mentoring should have a start, peak and end. Set the expectations, work through them and then move forward.  Healthy mentors usually do keep long-term relationships with mentees, but they also see them turn into mentors themselves!
5. Don’t be a mentor unless you have a mentor. Great mentors are mentored themselves.  People who proclaim themselves as mentors too often are focused on how great they are.  To teach others you must also be willing to be taught.

What do you think? What has been your experience with mentoring programs? Have you ever had to plan one?

You want to choose mediocrity? Cool with me. Do me a favor though? Just identify yourself at the door. It will make my job much easier in the end because I will place you in a position that has a higher tolerance for mediocrity. For some positions, doing your job and going home is adequate. For some positions, it isn’t adequate but you can tolerate it because you pay them less, it is less consequential (but not inconsequential) or whatever. For some positions, mediocrity won’t cut it. Period. End of sentence. No exceptions.

Nobody wants a mediocre doctor. Or a mediocre airplane pilot. Or a mediocre lawyer. And while I am certain that there are some mediocre folks in every one of those fields, my feeling is that reputable firms aim to avoid a pattern of mediocrity. After all, if too many of your patients die, too many planes fall from the sky or too many cases are lost, you won’t have to worry about a career path. It will just have ended itself.

(Just a quick note here: There is a difference between being mediocre and being ranked lower within your organization. I think the worst doctor at the Mayo Clinic is unlikely to be a mediocre doctor. Similarly, the guy warming the bench on the worst NBA team in the league can still beat 99% of the world in basketball. If you’ve ever seen my physical response to forced ranking performance management systems, now you know why.)

If you choose mediocrity, you are choosing career limitation. For some, there is peace with that decision. For others, there is outrage that you have to be limited because you chose what you chose. I don’t care what you pick. Unless I want to hire you. Then I care just enough to figure out where to put you.

Here’s a clue if you’ve chosen mediocrity and you don’t like the consequences: deal with it or change your game. Because you have no choice. Mediocre people placed in positions where mediocrity can’t be tolerated are eaten alive.

Even typically ancillary positions within an organization can have their tolerance for average work be impacted. How do mediocre recruiters find rockstar talent? It is dumb luck if they get any. If you don’t pay bills on time and your supply line seizes up, it doesn’t matter if you have that rockstar ops manager. So the more your organization is relied upon by others either in life or death situations, those that impact livelihoods, or those that serve society, your tolerance for mediocrity goes down to nothing. Unless you’re the government of course.

What are your thoughts on this?

I hate the work/life balance discussion. Unless you are in a position where you can control or ditch a poorly balanced job, there is no control over balance and no choice to make. I know some will argue that you may have more control than you think but for many others, a job is a means of survival. That means if the boss asks you to come in on Saturday and you miss Billy’s soccer game, there aren’t very many people who can correct that in short order.

There is a reason why so many talking heads feel so confident talking about it: talking heads have had control over their balance for a long time. When Jack Welch talked about work/life being a choice at SHRM, it is because it has been a choice for him for more than two decades. And guess what? For the most part, he has chosen work when he could have easily chosen a life of leisure all of these days.

Then we have people who love what they do and never want to take a day away from it. They have found balance and control through another technique and believe the key to balance and choice is to choose something you love. We all know it is just that easy too. I love basketball so I should play basketball. I could shoot hoops all day but nothing in life is going to overcome being 5’11″ and slow.

Most of us realize at some point that being independently wealthy is probably not going to happen and doing something you are truly passionate about is unlikely or unrealistic given that many of our passions are unprofitable. So what are the masses to do when confronted with work/life balance nonsense?

Just Live

Most of the people who know me closely don’t know me because of my work. They know me because of who I am. Certainly work factors into that but so do a lot of other things. Your job may be a necessity but so is sleeping. It can be inconsequential to who you are as well.

I am not saying it is good or bad to be career obsessed either. I could really care less. What I am saying is that the only thing you have absolute control over is whether or not your career defines you. You may have variable control over everything else (balance, choice…) but you do have control over what defines you.

Have you watched an episode or two of Dirty Jobs? I love the show for several reasons but watch the show closely next time you get the chance. You’ll see people who typically like what they do but probably don’t take it home. There is some satisfaction in enjoying their work but they are probably known for hunting or baking or volunteering or whatever.

These people are living. They have taken this bogus work/life balance/choice advice and thrown it in the garbage. Nobody is passionate about scraping shit off of a sewer filter and nobody is getting independently wealthy doing it. They are living their lives, spending time with their family and friends and doing things they love to do.

I don’t see a problem with this. Do you?

1. Go beyond your job. As I pointed out earlier, your job title doesn’t matter. Offer your assistance on special projects or tasks.  If you have a talent that you don’t use in your job, offer it to your company.  As a real world example, even though I am in HR, I also have done work in product delivery and supply-chain management. When my company needed that expertise, I could offer it to them.

2. Bring out the big guns. If going beyond your job description isn’t enough, it is time to take your skills and play to your strengths whenever possible.  Nobody in the office likes a show off (except your boss).  Don’t be afraid to go the extra mile.

3. Get additional education. Even if the company doesn’t pay for it.  Even if you only do it one class at a time.  Educating yourself is one of the sure fire ways to raise your personal capital in the job department.  It shows you are willing to sacrifice a bit of time to give those skills back to your company (for a higher wage of course).

4. Talk to your boss. And listen. It is amazing what showing a bit of interest in moving up can do and the positive consequences that can take place when you listen to and act on your boss’s advice. I almost put this one first but what fun would that be?

5. If you take all of these steps and you still don’t get a bone thrown at you, start looking elsewhere. Or get used to your current role. An employer somewhere will appreciate a person that is willing to go beyond their job description, get additional education and talk to management when they have an issue.

And if you need help with that last one, CareerHub put out a great ebook on how to search for a new job.

Why do you pick on me?

I paused. I took a breath and realized my initial response wouldn’t work. I was going to answer “What makes you think that?” but it came off as defensive. Plus, I already knew the answer. I was picking on him. What he didn’t understand is my motive. That was the question he was wanting to be answered. So I answered him:

I want you to perform. I don’t want to see you fail nor do I want to hire a new person and go through training and the added expense. The thing I want you to understand that despite me not wanting to do these things, I will go through with them and that all hinges on how you perform. So if you feel that I am picking on you, that is why.

Maybe not the most fantastic answer but the understanding it brought between the employee and myself cemented for me that posturing doesn’t work when dealing with your employees. The defensive answer I was going to give (that I am sure would tempt anyone in the heat of the moment) was the wrong one for the situation. It is a good lesson to learn by practicing conversations with pauses.