For talent pros looking to move up in the world, I desperately believe that leadership and business skill development should come before certifications or HR specific knowledge. That’s not a popular position (especially among people that have a stake in HR specific certifications or educational products) but that’s what I’ve seen time and time again. One of the earliest books I read that pushed me in that direction was Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends & Influence People. If you haven’t read this book or you don’t own your own copy, there will be an opportunity to win a copy of your own in this post!
David Spark contacted me and asked if he thought my readers would enjoy participating in a contest run by the folks over at Dale Carnegie Training to win a book. He told me I could do whatever I wanted for a contest as long as I mentioned the new iPhone application that DCT has developed called Secrets of Success. Now I don’t have an iPhone but I looked through the demo and it looks pretty useful. Sort of like one of those old school pocket cards you could give to floor supervisors but digitized with a ton of information.
Many of the concepts in How To Win Friends & Influence People are simple but I think it takes helpful reminders and refreshers to remember how to execute them on a day to day basis. If you want to change your own behavior, it is going to take time and discipline. That’s one reason why I think an app like this could actually be useful.
Here’s the contest: Comment and tell me the best way that you have found to win friends and influence people. The first ten commenters that describe their tip will get the book How To Win Friends & Influence People delivered to them free of charge.
Here’s the fine print:
- You must be a US resident to participate
- Your mailing address will be provided to Dale Carnegie Training for the purposes of shipping the book to you
- Only one book per person
- I have not been compensated by any party for this promotion. The ability to distribute a great book free of charge to my readers is my only reward.
April 27, 2010 at 8:45 am
One way I have found to Win Friends & Influence People is by keeping a positive attitude and working to really get to know them as people not just as managers, employees or coworkers. Listen to what they have to say and be excited to talk with them. Learn their likes and dislikes and find out what you share in common. Keep it professional/appropriate (if at work) but don’t be afraid to get to know them as a person. Just don’t cross the “line” in business relationships.
April 27, 2010 at 8:51 am
For me it has been:
Giving more than you get
Being sincere in my connection and potential friendships
and offering information when people need it.
While I would like to have another copy of the book (lost mine) if you like you can pass it along to another commenter.
April 27, 2010 at 8:56 am
From my experience, the best way to start is becoming an expert of the phrase “Yes”. What I mean by that is always be available to help others out and go out of your way to be available for projects / anything. This is not blindly carrying out marching orders but being involved and providing needed support for others. Make sure to understand the projects they need help with and offer suggestions of how it could be done better. Not only do you learn a ton but you also build-up a rolodex of useful favors and I.O.U’s that will be extremely useful in the future.
The more you do that, the more trust and influence you gain in these circles. Then you are able to push your own initiatives and ideas with backing from others.
April 27, 2010 at 9:00 am
I’ve found the best way to win friends and influence people is by being helpful. Anytime someone asks something of me, I do my best to either answer their question or if I can’t, connect them with someone that can. By giving without expectation of future receipt, I’ve found that when I have a request my network is extremely helpful.
April 27, 2010 at 9:18 am
In my experience, the best way to win friends and influence people is to do things for them that they don’t even expect. Help others. Find out what they’re working on and lend a hand if possible. Some of the people who have had the biggest impact on my work and life have done that very thing for me, and I can honestly say that it’s the the surefire way to get me to notice you.
Let’s recap:
Help others.
Everyone wins.
Pretty simple, no?
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April 27, 2010 at 9:33 am
In my experience, food tends to work pretty well. Really. Either just talking about what you like to eat or sharing something you’ve cooked, food brings people together. It’s also a good way of saying ‘thank you’, because you took time to make something for the person in question.
Outside of food, I find that establishing your expertise, consistently delivering on your promises, and being accountable all help win friends. Also having a positive, forward-looking attitude with a clear vision inspires people.
April 27, 2010 at 9:54 am
Generally friendships are build around common interests and experiences. While you can’t be friends with everyone you meet or work with, if you are observant and genuinely interested in communicating with someone you can find a common interest. When I visit someone’s cubicle or office for the first time, I will talk sports if they have a calendar or memorabilia; ask questions about their kids/family if they have pictures, etc. It’s often an insight to how someone’s real personality or passion is, and helps create that first line of communication to build on.
April 27, 2010 at 10:00 am
I found the most success by using a smile and a positive attitude. Yeah, I know it sounds trite, but no one wants to work with or be around someone who has a terribly cranky attitude (and I’ve known a few people like that!). I learned early in my career, when I worked the counter at McDonald’s, to leave the rest of the world outside the door when you come to work. Even through divorce and other family challenges, I’ve always tried to live that advice. When I’m in the office, I always try to smile at others and leave them with the impression that I’m happy to see them. When I run into problems, I try to emphasize solving the problem first and figure out later how we got there. It lessens the effect of blaming and finger pointing.
April 27, 2010 at 10:06 am
I have found the best way is to listen and genuinely care about what others have to say. If you have a conversation with someone, actively seek their point of view, and do so without judgment, it goes a long way to not only establishing trust but it can lead to a much more positive working relationship. Everyone wants their opinion to be heard and everyone wants to feel that someone understands, even if they don’t agree.
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April 27, 2010 at 10:53 am
I think a lot of people might over think this. Just be sincere! People can see through the fake.
April 28, 2010 at 5:41 am
I’d love the book but I know I’m too late for the book but I thought I would comment anyway!
Being genuinely interested in other people and asking questions has been the foundation of most of the successes I’ve had. I’ve learned so much from my role models and mentors by asking about their career path and following their advice to reach my own career goals. When I was downsized a year ago, I was fortunate to have a wide network of people who were familiar with what I wanted to do and went out of their way to help me land on my feet. They spent hours making introductions, providing constructive criticism, and asking tough questions so that I would be ready when the perfect opportunity came along. With their help, my wait was not very long.
April 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm
I am a firm believer in meeting people’s needs. When you meet people’s needs, they know you really care about them and not just giving them lip service. People are more willing to trust and out of trust, comes influence.
April 28, 2010 at 1:08 pm
To clarify, examples of meeting people’s needs might be providing training opportunities, being a listening ear, or just being a friend. Treating people the way you want to be treated is a no-brainer.
April 29, 2010 at 11:53 am
At work, it is all about adding value. In every interaction.