How to Fail at Marketing Your SEO Firm

Update: Maybe not so surprising, I’ve received over a dozen SEO spam comments on this post that have managed to make it through Akismet’s usually tight filter. I’m turning off comments but you can e-mail me and I’ll add any relevant comments to the post. Thanks spammers and go to hell. 

That time I actually responded to one of those e-mails from an SEO spammer.

To: lance@lancehaun.com

From: *********@gmail.com

Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Subject: Organic SEO for Rehaul.com

Rehaul.com Team,

I thought you might like to know some of the reasons why you are not getting enough Social Media and Organic search engine traffic for Rehaul.com

  1. Your website Rehaul.com is not ranking top in Google organic search for many competitive keyword phrases.
  2. Your website profile is not available in most of the Social Media Websites.
  3. Your site has 0 Google back links, this can be improved further.

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your website, and if you would like to learn about them, and are curious to know what our working together would involve, then I would be glad to provide you with a detailed analysis in the form of a WEBSITE AUDIT REPORT for FREE.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers find them because they are at the top of the Google search rankings. Being at the top acleft of Google (#1- #3 organic positions) is the best thing you can do for your company’s website traffic and online reputation.

I found your site in the Google search and after having a look over your website I think you should go for an SEO campaign to boost your marketing strategy.

Sounds interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.
—————————————————————–
Best Regards,
Diana ********
SEO Consultant
(301) ********
—————————————————————–

PS1: This is onetime email and you may ask us to “REMOVE” you from our mailing list.

PS2: I found your site from online advertising but did not click.

PS3: We operate 24 x7. I will be happy to send you links to price list, refund policy, client rankings, client testimonials, “How we are different from others?”, and “Why should you choose us?” on receiving a response from you.

My response:

To: *********@gmail.com

From: lance@lancehaun.com

Date: Sat, Feb 2, 2013 at 9:46 AM

Subject: RE: Organic SEO for Rehaul.com

Dear SEO spamming team,

I thought you might like to know some of the reasons why you are not getting enough response from your spammy, underwhelming e-mail marketing campaign

  1. You don’t have a website and you used a Gmail address to contact me, making me think you’re a fly-by-night scammer
  2. You have no idea how social networks actually operate or you are deliberately obfuscating the issue to scare those who are ignorant
  3. You claimed to find my site via Google (which, wait… I thought you couldn’t find me via Google?) yet you referenced one website and sent your message to another

There are many additional improvements that could be made to your copy, but I’m afraid it is too much work to do an audit for free. You could start by not using blindingly blue font color and an assortment of fonts that makes it clear this was pieced together from templates. That’s where the free advice ends.

Our clients consistently tell us that their customers don’t really appreciate unsolicited e-mails in the first place and certainly not ones sent without opt-in permission or with awful messaging. They also figure that if an SEO firm is any good, they should be able to find them on Google (or Bing, for that matter) using standard keyword searches.

I found your e-mail in my inbox and after having a look at it, I think you should completely rethink the way you’re marketing your business and consult with me to help fix it.

Sound interesting? Feel free to email us or alternatively you can provide me with your phone number and the best time to call you.
—————————————————————–
Best Regards,
Lance Haun
Marketing Consultant
(206) 801-1348
—————————————————————–

PS1: This solicitation isn’t CAN-SPAM compliant and you cannot be removed ever.

PS2: I found your e-mail in my solicitations folder but don’t worry, I didn’t click either.

PS3: We operate every other odd day of the month from 12:30-1:00pm. My rates start at $500/hr and if you require, I can make up references and do some fake screen grabs so that you can convince your foolish boss to pay me money.

2 thoughts on “How to Fail at Marketing Your SEO Firm

  1. Nice article Lance, I got this message 4 times by now. I think I learned a good lesson in marketing by seeing a very bad one.

Comments are closed.